Monday, April 19, 2010

I cannot believe that tomorrow little Hila Fay, well not so little anymore at 14.5 lbs, will be 3 months old! It's been a wonderful, emotional, memorable, anxious three months...but three months that I would not trade for a lifetime of anything else! Hila's had her ups and downs, having been plagued with tummy troubles and doctor visits, but through it all she has been a trooper. She suffers through the moments of pain, but when it passes (literally, lol) her smile warms me to my toes.

It amazes me how much motherhood has changed me, and continues every second to evolve me into a whole other woman. God's amazing understanding and compassion is blatantly portrayed in the way He enables me to adapt from one rapid scenario to the next. He gives me enough pride to ensure that His artistic abilities are framed in adorable outfits and bows, but not enough to keep me from going to town with formula-splattered clothes and miss-matched shoes (on myself, not her of course!) when I run out of formula. He gives me patience and compassion when her belly hurts and only her father can comfort her, and a sense of humor when the projectile poo covers everything in sight (and some not in sight so that I spend three days washing everything in her nursery cuz I swear I can smell something funky!). But most abundantly He gave me the deepest, loudest, most addictive form of love that I never knew to exist. One look at her furrowed brow and she watches her toy sway to and fro, or the sound of her grunts as she tries to suck in the most amount of formula possible with each breath, can make my heart sing.

I wander at her imperfect perfection, how God knew just which characteristics to combine to make her my own. In three months she has turned me from a frantic, chaotic new mom to a slightly less frantic, chaotic infant mom; three months of tears, laughter, bliss and prayers. Three months that I would be content playing over and over like an old home movie. Three months of the closest to heaven that I will get as long as the good Lord leaves me here.

I anxiously look forward to three more months, and the three after that; all the while praying that God slows down the sands of time allowing each moment to last a lifetime of its own.